I Don't Regret Anything
by MishaHime
Summary: She died inside that night. That horrid night which she can never forget. The night she killed Kaien Shiba.


She died inside that night.

That horrid night which she can never forget.

The night she killed Kaien Shiba.

That night, Rukia lost everything that gave her life meaning.

She lost her lieutenant.

She lost her friend.

She lost the man she loved more than anything.

The sickening feeling of her sword running through him made her sick. She could still feel how his body just slid down her sword, inch by inch as it slowly and painfully killed him.

The weight of his dying body on her small, frozen one. It was an unbearable weight. She knew the weight of his death was on her hands.

* * *

The way he whispered sweet nothings into her ear, trying to ease her mind of the terrible event taking place. Even when dying, he thought of her.

Her well being.

"You gotta eat right Rukia! Otherwise you'll get sick, and I'll just have to find someone else to train." She began eating and exercising more after that.

Her happiness.

"Just remember this Rukia, I'll always stand by you, even if it costs me my life."

Her sanity.

"You're big brother scold ya again?" "Eh, don't worry about it too much Rukia. Even if you suddenly became a captain he'd still find some reason to criticize you. Whenever he gets on to you, just come find me and we'll talk. Kay?"

All he wanted was for her to be happy. He wanted to be the one to bring her the happiness she deserved. The happiness that she secretly longed for.

But that dream died away that night. Blinded by his rage, he ran into the night, followed by his captain and the woman he loved. He knew he was going to die that night. He knew there was no escaping it. He just wished she didn't have to be there to see it. Much less be the one to have to kill him herself!

He was selfish. He knew it. He was selfish for going after her. Knowing that in the end, he would be the one to hurt her. But he couldn't help himself. When he first met her, she looked so lost, so fragile. He had the sudden urge to wrap his arms around her and protect her from the world around her. And that's exactly what he did. He spent years building her a new world, a better one from the one she used to have.

Only to shatter all of that hard work in one single night.

* * *

She stood still, frozen in fear, as the man she loved, whispered into her ear, trying to soothe inevitable pain that he knew she was going through. She felt so numb. Like her entire life was stopped in a stand still. The world around her seemed to slow down. Almost pausing. The only thing she could hear and see was Kaien. Slumped over her small body, dying a slow, painful death. A death, she had a big hand in.

"Rukia."

His voice brought her mind back to reality. The reality that she was slowly, and steadily killing him. But he was hanging on, trying to tell her so many things he never got the chance to say.

"I wish… I had the chance to spend more time with you." He gasped, trying to catch his breath. She could tell his lungs were filling up with blood.

"And I know, this must be so painful for you. I don't regret anything though. I never regretted our time together. And more importantly, I never regretted falling in love with you. So…-" He began coughing, blood coming out of his mouth.

She could sense it. The way his body began feeling heavier. The way his breathing became more shallow. He was close.

"…thanks to you, I'm saved. Because of you, I can leave my heart here." His body stilled then, and her eyes widened. The hand that gripping her back fell away, and she now faced the cruel reality of it all.

Kaien Shiba was dead.

And so the tears began to fall.

She fell to her knees, bringing his lifeless body with her, and began crying out all of her sadness and grief. Because she knew, she would never see his smiling face again. Never feel the warmth of his embrace. The softness of his kisses. The flush on his cheeks when he would make love to her, trying to be as gentle as possible.

She may have received his heart. But she lost hers.

Kaien Shiba died that night. Taking Rukia's soul with him.

* * *

**I went on my livejournal account that I haven't touched in about 4 years and came across a couple of stories that I had written from way back then. Haha. Let me know what you guys think. I love KaienxRukia. Much, Much, LOVE for these two.**


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